Does this language make my
“but” look too big?
When we say
something like, “Your report is good BUT…you
missed the data from Study X” our intention is to soften the blow of what’s
wrong with the report, but the impact is that the receiver only hears that big
old BUT and what comes after it. If you want to create a more positive
communication climate (thus improving working relationships and increase the likelihood of task
success), try to cut down (or eliminate) your use of “but” and by using one of
these alternatives:
1.
Substitute “and”
for “but:” “This is a good report and I
noticed that it still needs the new data from Study X. As soon as that’s added,
we can send it to the client.”
2.
Make what’s
“good” about it clearer: “Your report does a great job of explaining
the reasons for the delay on the project and your writing is clear and
concise.“
3.
Then use another sentence for what needs to be
added or fixed: “Your report does a great
job of explaining the reasons for the delay on the project and your writing is
clear and concise The information
from Study X needs to be added, and then we can send it to the client.”
I’ve had some folks tell me
they don’t find that “and” works, and that they still get pushback. I think the
difference is the level of trust and respect in the relationship. If it’s not
high, go for the two-sentence approach.
Practice:
The easiest way to break the
“but habit” is to catch it in writing first. Review your emails and reports
before hitting send, and notice if a rewording would help the receiver “hear”
both what’s right and what needs to be changed. Once you start to catch
yourself “but-ing” in writing, you’ll begin to catch it before you speak it as
well.
It’s a powerful tool… but
you have to remember to use it.
